Fall in Love with YOUR Story

What if you thought about your life as a story? Think about it like play.

We actually are telling stories constantly — in our heads and to others. I notice for myself that the story changes depending on my mood, who I am telling it to, or what perspective I am telling it from. It is wild how often our story can shift. I believe it is important to realize we are all telling stories. AND our stories impact how we feel about ourselves and ultimately drive the plot of where we go in this life.

For me, this epiphany has made me realize I have a lot of power as the narrator of my story (imagine me with a maniacal laugh and a mischievous smile). If I am the narrator, I get to tell the story I want told. I get to make choices that make me the leading character. I get to be the hero. I get to see all my challenges and messy moments with humor and growth. I get to decide the genre. I definitely enjoy a good comedy or romance, and I do my darndest to avoid horror or action. I will skip the violence and crime with all the powers I do wield.

So here are some tips I've learned on how to live your best story. And know I am a continuous work in progress — so if you have tips to add, please share them with me! I love refining my story.

Here are some questions to ask yourself when telling your story:

What's the story you are telling? Whose point of view is it written from?
I have noticed that at times I can tell my story from the perception of others — worried about judgment, criticism, what people will think. This can paralyze my story. It gets me deep in my head and usually stalls the storyline. The plot gets boring and harsh. It stops me from taking exciting risks and leads to me getting stuck in an eddy in the river of life, rather than continuing down the rapids with new sights to see and experiences to have.

Are you the main character? Whose story are you living?
As a recovering people-pleaser and someone who loves to help others, I have definitely had times when I relinquished my status as main character. I had spent so much time supporting others that I had forgotten I am the main character of my story. My story at the time wasn't interesting. I felt stuck and boring. It was about everyone else.

And when I chose to be the main character, life got way more compelling. I felt more alive, definitely less resentful, and interesting plot twists started to happen. It was a story I am proud to live. And I want to know what will happen next.

Are you cheering for the main character? Are you making yourself the villain or the hero?
For me, it was important to be a main character I wanted to cheer for. One that takes risks. One I can see changing and growing over time. One that is spunky and sweet. One that has depth and playfulness. One that is willing to acknowledge mistakes and learn from them. The best stories have characters that are complex — ones where you feel the transformation over time.

Beware of making yourself the villain. Shame can definitely play a part in believing you are one. The more I have learned to release shame in my life, the more I have become proud of my story. And let's be honest, learning to release shame has been an awesome, empowering part of my story.

Is the plot interesting and compelling?
Are you taking enough risks to keep the story moving? Are the challenges you encounter great plot twists that strengthen the character and enrich the storyline?

There are times I notice myself hiding or avoiding. For me to have a good story, I need to take risks. I want to feel the aliveness and the unknown of where the story will take me. I want to be surprised.

Also, if you look at most epic stories in history, they have loss, they have pain, they triumph. Remembering that times of pain and struggle are actually a compelling part of the story, not something we are meant to avoid, has been helpful when I wish the story were different. It has been incredible character development for me. And it helps when I remind myself of that, sitting in the dark hole moments. It is so exciting in a story when you think someone is stuck forever and then they find their way out. Holding the bigger perspective of the storyline is crucial for me in times of despair and confusion.

Are you looking for the good, simple moments along the way?
I notice at times I worry that there isn't enough happening in my story. There are times of quiet and slowness. And I have begun to realize these are some of the best moments of the story. Snuggled up with my pup and a nice cup of tea. Long walks in nature, seeing what birds I can spot. A good sunset, a good meal, a good conversation. I try not to forget that some of the best moments of life are these quieter, simpler ones of loving life.

So how are you going to tell your story? Are there things you can do to fall more in love with your story?
This is the kind of work we do together at How to Play in the Dark — learning to be the narrator instead of the narrated. If you feel that pull, let’s play.