Happy Endings

This weekend I got to experience a happy ending, and it feels so important — after so many painful losses in my life — to take a moment to celebrate and share what I learned about endings this weekend, especially for anyone that feels like they are sitting at the threshold and feel stuck.

I have been in connection to a beautiful person for the last few months. It is such a treat. They feel like a gift that arrived for me, and I have treasured this time. And over the last few weeks, I have felt frustration and struggle. Something has not felt good. I have communicated honestly and openly along the way, and under the surface I have had a knowing that something wasn't right.

Someone a while back said "don't water cement." Which I took to mean: don't spend time putting effort and nurturing into things that aren't growing. When I think of this experience, I can feel it in my bones. When I am putting attention and energy into something that I know is not supportive and not growing, it hurts. I have such big visions for how I want to use my life force energy, and when I feel it being poured into something that isn't growing, it is depleting and excruciating.

So I had to come to the decision to end this connection that was causing me pain. I promise this story has a happy ending.

Sitting in the resistance. I had to spend time not being ready to let go. I had to feel the love and care and beauty of what I was being asked to release. This was challenging. It was hot and jittery and active. Fear was definitely present. I couldn't let go until all of me was ready, because I knew if I did it sooner I would feel regret and questioning. So I rode the waves and poured so much love and tenderness into my heart. I took my time. I cried. I walked. I breathed. I connected with friends. I felt it all.

Orienting with honesty. I continued to share my challenge in the relationship dynamic. And this beautiful person reflected to me that my discomfort was mine and mine alone. I felt it. Ouch. And it was true. This was something I was holding alone. And that was where the clarity came from. Their honesty made me realize it was time to let go.

A gift of abundance and trust. The morning I knew I had to let go, I felt a wave of deep trust and abundance. I felt a certainty of the action I needed to take. I felt joy and excitement in the clarity after wandering in confusion. I knew what I needed to do and all of me knew it. I felt relief. I felt gratitude. And there was a soft grief along the edges accompanying the journey.

Walking through the threshold. When I shared that I was ready to let go, I had a request. To celebrate this ending. To have a happy ending. I wanted to acknowledge the significance of this moment in connection. To be met with love and gratitude for my honesty and for my truth. To honor and love this moment. I don't take this for granted. I have had a lot of painful endings where I could see what the other person wasn't ready to see. They could only feel the fear, the rejection, and the hurt. These endings did not feel as happy because I had to hold the truth that they weren't ready to meet me in. These are hard endings. And to have someone that was grateful and understood the choice I was making, and wanted to celebrate our connection in a moment of ending. So special!!!

Shifting away from scarcity. I have grown up deeply ingrained in a scarcity mindset. I believe I am not alone in this. I am realizing now that every ending I have had has been impacted by this mindset. When I believed everything was finite and limited, each loss felt like death. Believing I would be alone on the other side. Focusing on the lack of what was waiting for me on the other side of the loss versus orienting to the abundance and fullness that I was walking toward. This coming from someone who is entrenched in the world of grief. I don't take loss lightly. I know the intensity of what it means to let go. And I have discovered how much love and beauty are also possible on the other side of a loss. For me, my life has grown bigger and more abundant and magical the more I trust the abundance on the other side of letting go.

Celebration. I am so proud of letting go. I am a badass and I know it. I will toot my own horn. And lucky for me, this go around I got to celebrate with someone. We shared all the gifts we had given each other. We celebrated how special and amazing each of us is. We offered wishes for what we want for each other. We laughed. We played. It was magical. Our ending was so much fun!!!

Surprise ending. At the end of the night, I was given some clarity. I saw a path forward where I didn't actually have to fully give this person up. I got to reorient to a new form of connection. We discussed what connection could look like, and we decided together to try it on and see if what we thought was a happy ending could possibly be a new beginning.

So, I share this for my previous selves that could feel that there is more out there and had to trust wandering in the dark. I share this for all the grief and pain I have experienced that has allowed me to arrive at a happy ending. I share this because I have a deep desire for the world to trust the abundance and love that is waiting for you on the other side of letting go.

I hope everyone gets to experience a happy ending and lots of beautiful new beginnings in this life.