Origin Story

Truthfully, the origins of How to Play in the Dark have been unfolding throughout my life. My challenges of getting lost in the dark, the heaviness, the contraction and struggling to feel joy or light in those times DROVE ME. My inability to bypass or side step my pain BEGGED FOR ANSWERS. My self-consciousness and awkwardness in moments of play FUELED ME. My frozen and fawning parts that didn’t know how to take up space or express my needs CRAVED SUPPORT. My curiosity and creativity were PLANTING POSSIBILITIES.

AND THEN… last summer there was a coalescing that happened like the best juicy epiphany you could imagine.

One day, I was triggered by a friend, and I felt so angry. I knew I didn’t want to direct this anger toward her, but it was bubbling up, fuming within me. I also knew the anger was more about what was happening personally within me rather than about them. In the midst of feeling this intense anger, I started to imagine us having a CAT FIGHT. I began to growl, hiss, and claw. I made loud sounds to release the anger, and simultaneously, I started laughing. Full belly laughs while continuing to embody the CAT. In the midst of expressing so much rage, I felt so much amusement and enjoyment at the same time. It was such a profound elating paradox. This was the beginning of How to Play in the Dark. When I could access both the intensity of the metaphorical dark while also access play and pleasure. IT WAS GLORIOUS!!!

Let me explain what I believe playing in the dark means. When I play in the dark, I bring two polarities together. I weave the struggle, the challenge, the fear, the shame, the stuckness, the goo, the heaviness, and the unknown TO enjoyment, creativity, exploration, curiosity, freedom, innocence, childlike wonder, and so much more. I use the light to move through the darkness, like having a flashlight to help me trust that I can find my way out. I choose to turn toward my obstacles with loving presence, taking creative actions to nurture, express, and attend to my needs. Shifting from feeling like a victim of life to becoming an agent of change—finding the power within myself, as well as the support of my community, to know that life transforms through our actions.

I believe that much of our healing and growth comes from learning to be present with, and loving toward, the darkest parts of ourselves. Without exploring these shadows, we limit our capacity for joy and love in life. I have spent years supporting people through the depths of their grief, creating spaces for people to move through emotions that we are taught to avoid, shame, suppress, or invalidate, especially in a group setting. And I know, without a doubt, massive transformation and growth happen when we find the compassion and strength to be with these exiled emotions. 

As a therapist, I’ve often wondered how to inspire others to embrace this process. I’ve come to realize that resistance and avoidance of our most challenging experiences are powerful forces that can easily take hold. Healing, however, is not something we need to do alone; the support of others makes it easier to face the darkness together. I have been struggling for years to entice people into the dark, to believe it is worth it, especially when it looks so painful. And I began to ask myself, “Who will join you in the dark if you're not having any fun?” This question—and my intention to learn how to play in the dark—has been a powerful motivator for me. It also allows me to explore the taboo idea of whether we can—and are allowed to—have fun while moving through our most painful emotions. This is something I was never taught but have been learning to embrace.

As I began to explore this idea of play on my own, it led to many amazing moments of discovery and freedom. Once I experienced the power of play in my own life, I was ready and knew I wanted to invite others to join me. I wanted to see what would happen if we played in the dark together. To bring light to the darkest parts of us and not have to do it alone—it is life-changing. 

Every time we gather is unique since we all bring our personal struggles and our own imaginative selves to the playground. These emergent experiences encourage creativity and vulnerability from everyone present. We also honor each person’s boundaries—everything is a choice, and we celebrate when someone says "no." Imagine a woman who has never felt protected or safe, surrounded by a group of women standing as her warriors and protectors, with loud, powerful music, chanting, and drumming around her—offering her an opportunity to rewrite the moments she’s felt unsafe with people she knows and loves. These embodied play experiences open people up to greater authenticity, self-love, creativity, connection, and spiritual growth. Everyone experiences darkness, and we all need support. It’s powerful to witness a community move from collectively screaming about the injustices in our world, to dancing to a power anthem, and then wrapping our arms around each other as we sway and sing “Lean on Me”—all while holding space for deep grief. This is just one small window into what’s possible when we play in the dark. 

And the intention of WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE PLAY is to house so many creative powerful stories of struggle and play that we get to change the narrative of how to walk through the world and have everyone asking “How do I want to play with that?”