Trying on Different NOs

Imagine two women facing each other, experimenting with different NOs—like trying on outfits to see how they feel and how they land.

Have you ever played with different kinds of NOs?
(I’ll admit—I had to Google the plural of “no” while writing this.)

At one of my play groups, two women shared the challenges they were having with boundaries and saying NO. I could definitely relate—and I was excited to explore how we might play with it.

One thing I know about play: it creates low-stakes, low-risk spaces to experiment.
And yet, the body holds memories of when it wasn’t safe to say NO.
I’ve seen people cry or go into a threat response just from trying to say this supposedly simple word. That’s why it can be so powerful—and healing—to bring it into a play setting.

So much richness came from the expression of that one word. I got a front-row seat to the experiment, both as an engaged witness and an enthusiastic supporter. It was wild. And since then, I’ve tried it in all sorts of settings—including with myself—and I’ve come to a few conclusions.

Here’s what I’ve learned from playing with NO:

• If you don’t fully believe it’s a NO, the other person’s body won’t believe it either.

• Worrying about how the other person will feel can water down the expression.

• Timid NOs feel uncomfortable and unclear to the receiver.

• Reactive NOs can make others feel threatened or defensive.

• Saying NO while smiling or laughing creates incongruence—and confusion.

• A grounded NO—when your whole body believes it—is received with more ease and truth.

I encourage you to try it out—with a friend, or even in the mirror. You can even try on different scenarios that you would want to say no, but are struggling.
See what you learn. See how it feels in your body. See if you can ground and strengthen your No.

Here is a video of me demonstrating different NOs if you need inspiration:)