Kryptonite for Shame!

Why do we people-please? Why is it so hard to stop? Why does it sneak into so many of our behaviors and culture?

That hot, icky, ouchy shame that whispers there’s something fundamentally wrong with us. The kind that makes us want to run and hide. That tells us to do what we think we’re supposed to. And of course we’ll do almost anything to escape the discomfort of it—because the shame alarm is LOUD & UNCOMFORTABLE.

When it comes to people-pleasing, part of us believes that if we show up authentically, we’ll be rejected or pushed out. At its core, it’s really about a fear of disconnection—which once upon a time, for our ancestors, could mean death. That fear lives deep in our bodies.

But here’s the thing: we’re evolving. And it’s time to remind our bodies and minds of a new truth.

So what’s the kryptonite for shame? CONNECTION.
What heals shame is being seen with compassion, curiosity, and a sense of shared humanity.

This is the heartbeat of How to Play in the Dark. Play takes shame out of the equation. It shines light and connection into the very places we think we’re supposed to hide—when in reality, they’re what make us most beautifully, unmistakably human.

When we loosen shame’s grip, we become unstoppable. We reclaim our power. And we get to have way more fun, freedom, and pleasure being ourselves.

So let’s play!

Is it possible to play with shame?

Shame begins to heal when it’s met with compassion, curiosity, and a sense of common humanity.
To really play with it, we need all three of these. Here’s what that can look like:

This week, a wave of rage and anger moved through me after I felt a boundary violation.
The old me would have judged those feelings as bad and shameful. I would have gotten lost in confusion—“Why are these feelings so big for something that seems so small?” If I let shame take the lead, it would have shut me down. The heaviness would have lingered in my body, festering until I turned against myself.

But this time, I tried something different.
I called in my compassionate cheerleader—the part of me that can witness without judgment. Instead of stuffing my rage away, I gave it a stage to play on. I let her scream, yell, and say all the fiery things she needed to. I cheered her on with compassion, reminding her: It’s normal to feel icky when a boundary gets crossed—even if it wasn’t intentional.

With that encouragement, the feelings moved. They expressed. They released.
And on the other side? She felt free. She even felt the satisfaction of letting it all flow through.

That’s the magic of playing with shame—when we stay on our own side, when we know deep down that we’re not wrong or bad for our needs, our feelings, or our experiences.

And when we are cultivating the compassion that might still need some strengthening, that is where community comes in!!! Let’s play together!