People-Pleasing, Meet Your Playful Undoing
Lately, I’ve been talking with so many people about how challenging it can be to unwind our people-pleasing patterns—even when we want to show up honestly and authentically. These patterns are so deeply woven into our culture that they sneak in through surprising, subtle, and often frustrating ways. And the truth is: it can feel genuinely unsafe to let them go.
I’ve created four playful ways to explore common archetypes that show up in people-pleasing—each one paired with its own playlist to help you fully embody the energy.
4 Playful Ways to Unwind People-Pleasing
If you’re tired of abandoning yourself, lying (to yourself or others), or walking away from connections feeling depleted, resentful, or frustrated—these are for you.
Remember: these patterns run deep. They take compassion, patience, and curiosity to shift. And you don’t have to do it alone—I’m always here if you need support in navigating the unwinding.
AMPLIFY THE PLEASING ONE
Can you turn up the volume on your people-pleasing so you can really see what’s happening? Sometimes amplifying makes the invisible obvious. Notice a way you tend to please—and exaggerate it. Make it so clear you can’t not see the cost.
Example: I’ve had a long pattern of “walking on eggshells,” worrying my actions might upset someone. So, alone in my space, I exaggerated it: tiptoeing around the room, whispering so quietly I could barely hear myself, shrinking as small as possible. I could feel the toll it took on my body—and how silencing it was. And because she is so worried about the impact she will make, she doesn’t feel safe to have a playlist.
UNLEASH THE BAD ONE
What would happen if you let your “bad one” come out to play? How would they dress, speak, move? Can you give them the spotlight without shaming, correcting, or judging? The more we befriend our shadow parts, the more compassion and freedom we gain.
Example: I created a playlist just for her. I let her speak out loud—her cruel thoughts, her revenge fantasies, her sharp edges. I hold her with reverence instead of shame. Sometimes I even imagine her as a Disney villain who knows she’s hot shit.
EMBRACE THE POWERFUL ONE
What does it look like to embody your power? How does it feel to stand tall, take up space, be loud, be seen? Let your powerful one move, speak, and ripple outward.
Example: My powerful one loves to dance—big, bold, and unapologetic. She makes sounds, moves freely, and isn’t afraid of her impact. Here’s her playlist if you want to join her.
TEND TO THE LITTLE ONE
Underneath it all, there’s often a younger part of us who learned people-pleasing as survival. What do they need to feel safe, soothed, and loved?
Example: Sometimes I swaddle her in a blanket, rock her gently, sing to her, or play a lullaby from her playlist.
These archetypes are just an invitation to spark your own creativity. Try them out, remix them, and most of all—make them yours. And if you do play with them, I’d love to hear your stories.
